bathwater...

Trust is defined as the reliance on another person or entity. Having faith in others and believing them.

makes sense right? I'm really quite unsure what to feel right now except numbness. I even bought a pack of nasty cigarettes which I couldn't even bare finishing one (complete waste of nine dollars, ever!) However, the glass of wine on the other hand, delish. Thank you Carmenere from 2008 for calming me down.

i feel silly for even wanting or thinking of doing whats been boggling my brain for the last two hours. I found out some information which I will remain personal but it's got gears turning and I so just want to prove myself wrong. Gwen Stefani wrote a song about it after all, when she penned “Bathwater”… “But I still love to wash in your old bathwather, love to think that you couldn’t love another, I can’t help it…you’re my kind of man..”

In my own affairs, I’ve pretty much snooped through ALL of my partners’ things, in which I’ve found subpoenas, porn collections, pictures of ex’s… typical, seemingly harmless stuff. ALL of my partners until my current. No clue what sets him apart. Maybe because I’m jaded to the point of ambivalence, maybe because I respect him the tiniest bit more than others (sorry), or maybe because I’m SCARED of what I might find. I’m gonna go with the last one.

nonetheless, I decided I'm squashing it and LEAVING it alone. It’s the right thing to do. If YOU decide to snoop on a lover, be cautious. Be mentally prepared to deal with whatever or WHOEVER you may find… Most important, everyone has a PAST. Can you get over it?

with that being said, i bring you this...